Sweating and Swiping

http://www.thenortherneronline.com/2012/11/13/are-the-new-generation-apple-products-worth-the-money/

http://technoholik.com/media/content/2012/Sep/ipod-nano-new-post.jpg

With the introduction of the iPad mini, the corresponding release of the seventh generation iPod Nano is often overlooked.  To remind you:

“Now that the new 7^th generation iPod Nano has been released, it seems to have mixed both aspects of the 5^th and 6^th generation Nano bringing back the video playback but not including the camera the 5^th generation had.  Since the 5^th generation iPod Nano was released, it seems as though Apple had fit the most features into the Nano with a decent size capacity of 16 gigabytes.  But over time it seems Apple had gotten obsessed with the touch screen feature which in turn got in the way of the more appealing aspects such as the camera that the 5^th generation had.  When it comes to purchasing the new 7^th generation iPod Nano, it seems it would be a good buy with a price of $150.  But if you are thinking about trading in your 5^th generation Nano for the 7^th, that may not be a reasonable deal.  Especially if you enjoy the camera the 5^th generation has.”

Though the whole of this excerpt is informative, I wish to further its one sassy comment:  Apple is obsessed with touch screens.

What do I think of touch screens?  My entrancing analysis:

On a tablet?  Sensible.  On a phone?  Tedious.  On a music player?  Dopey.

What do you do with your music player?  If you’re like me, you bring it to the gym.  While you tire on the treadmill, you listen to those boisterous tunes that inspire your workout and aid you as you attempt another mile.

Riddle me this:  What is one act performed by all exercising individuals, regardless of their distaste for this unseemly human function?  Said succinctly and tactlessly, humankind sweats.  If you’re like me (and all of my breathing peers), you also sweat.

What’s my point?  The last thing I want to do while gasping on a treadmill is fumble with a miniscule screen to avoid smudging it with my overly moist grasp.  I’m weary, I’m irritable, and I’m not in the mood to smear my pricey gadget as I swipe to a new song.

I cannot stop wondering…  Has Apple performed market research that [wrongly] confirms our enthusiasm for touchscreens?  Am I the only one who prefers the original iPod dial?  Do users authentically enjoy touchscreens enough to justify Apple’s integration of this feature into EVERY device?

My hope:  That my current iPod lives forever so I can avoid the unpleasantly sticky practice of sweating and swiping.

Facebook Helps Kick Convention to Honor a Soccer Fan

http://www.courant.com/business/sns-rt-us-germany-grave-facebookbre8ad0t3-20121114,0,7617024.story

Facebook is an absurd, life-corroding disruption that encourages self-obsession and pettiness.  That being said, a miniscule measure of goodness resides in all evil (Yes, I know, this is unnecessarily harsh.  Just follow me for a moment.).

This week, Facebook triumphed by effectively trumpeting the wishes of a boy who no longer lived to vocalize his own passions and preferences.

“A church in western Germany has bowed to public pressure and allowed the parents of a soccer-mad nine-year old boy who died from a brain tumor to erect a gravestone with a ball logo after a Facebook campaign spawned more than 100,000 angry messages.

“The dispute between the boy's parents and their Catholic church made national headlines. Newspapers printed poignant pictures of the dying boy in hospital last Christmas with Juergen Klopp, coach of his favorite club Borussia Dortmund.

“Shortly before his death, Jens Pascal had told his mother he wanted a gravestone that reflected his passion - the club which won Germany's Bundesliga just days before he died in May.

“But the Church of Maria Heimsuchung in Dortmund refused to erect a stone engraved with the club's logo and a soccer ball on top, arguing that it did not conform to rules which ban non-Christian inscriptions and images.”

Generally, I dismiss technologies as homogenizing distractions that extract every gratifyingly unique and hushed human quality from unmindful users.

Generally, my hasty and brutal rejection of internet services and handheld devices is appropriate.

However, this tale is a welcome exception to my doom-and-gloom rule.  Indeed, this is an instance of one boy’s unspeakably touching hope to differentiate himself and his memory.  Among hundreds of standard grey headstones, Jens Pascal sought to spotlight his youthful, pure, and animated enjoyment of soccer.

Though his exact wish was not granted, the resulting compromise will hopefully appeal to the precious boy’s lingering spiritual presence:

“The church issued a statement late on Monday saying it had agreed to a compromise. The gravestone could be erected, but with the ball on the ground rather than on its top and that it would also bear a Christian symbol, probably a dove.”

As an outsider, I contend that the greatest misery of a young death is its many thieveries.  In particular, it robs an individual of the chance to thrust his own meticulously selected identity into this overfull world.  Though, before his death, the young Jens Pascal could not define himself with the painstaking precision of a man of eighty years, Facebook offered him the coveted opportunities to select the qualities and contents of his memory, and to make his cemetery presence a little more remarkable.

Apples and Berries

http://techcrunch.com/2012/11/14/heres-a-blackberry-10-device-next-to-an-iphone-5/

Remember BlackBerries?  The devices that were firmly and not-so-clandestinely clutched by self-important businessmen and college students?  Though they never confirmedly left, their obsolescence and resultant obscurity were such that it is appropriate to newly sing, “They’re back!”

“RIM is launching BlackBerry 10 in February 2013 with several devices.  Little is known about these handsets but the pic here shows the touchscreen model next to an iPhone 5.  Tantalizing, I know.

“Draw your own conclusions but what we’re looking at is a device that looks a lot like a Droid X/X2.  It appears to be a little wider than the iPhone 5, which is encased in a bumper here.  Unfortunately the screen is not turned on so a snap judgment cannot be made about the future of RIM based on the low resolution picture.”

My current quandary:  Can any device, however unexpectedly inventive or clever or pioneering, ever sparkle when placed next to a gadget stamped with the trademarked nibbled apple?  Will we recognize imaginative genius when it is offered to us, given our present iProduct mania?

When we permit a few more of the specifically technology-based droplets to evaporate from this puddle of queries, we recognize that this is simply a matter of individual pluck and point of view.  Is man confident enough to advocate a contrary concept?  To defend an unpopular option?  To embrace the obscure?  To trust his preferences and dismiss the viewpoint of the masses?

I await the release of the BlackBerry 10.  My hope is that the device boasts solid hardware that shifts the loyalties of Apple users.  Why?  Not because I wish to hasten the decline of the iPhone, but rather because I am eager to observe the potentially original but likely conforming actions of my peers.

As a reader, you’re lucky, as I’m offering you notice of my impending social experiment (hee hee hee).

Shop Until Your Fingers Drop

http://reviews.cnet.com/software/google-shopper-android/4505-3513_7-35536482.html

For thirty two posts, I have expounded upon the failings of technology.  Though these thoughts are authentic, I must confess my own shocking shortcoming to my nonexistent fan base:  As I profess my aversion to technology, I pathetically commit the odious and hypocritical act of persistent online purchasing (or, more aptly described, “online browsing”).

That being said, I was eager to learn of Google’s new shopping application:  Google Shopper.

“The newest version of Google Shopper has an attractive user interface, a new way to find deals, and other tweaks.  Whether you're looking for apparel, electronics, accessories, or pretty much anything else, the app is a great place to start, as it scours the entirety of the Web for both local and online retailers that carry the items you desire.

“As is typical with Google-made Android apps, Google Shopper's user interface is simple and starts with a search bar.  Up top, you can type in a keyword, start a voice search, or activate your camera to run an image search, which can recognize not only bar codes, but also books, CDs, DVDs, and video games by their cover art.  Hopefully, in future versions, the app will have some more of Google Goggles' powers built in so as to recognize an even wider variety of items.  But for now, the options available are more than sufficient.”

One further admission:  I am not merely an online shopper.  I am an online bargain shopper.  The difference?  The latter requires effort.  Google Shopper offers a number of features that ease the deal-searching process (which, I assure you, is tedious).

Though I still own a low-tech phone that does not connect to the internet, I do think the application is handy, especially the feature that permits users to snap photos and search for items.

Like all other recreational technologies, the application is unnecessary for mankind’s basic daily routine.  Do we need to shop online?  No.  Would we have the money to pay full price for items if we didn't spend hundreds of dollars on data plans?  Yes.

If you’ll allow me to minimize my hypocrisy, I cannot judge this app as harshly as my habit recommends that I should.  For now, let’s let Google Shopper off with a warning.

I promise we’ll ticket the sucker next time around.

Watching and Learning

http://www.courant.com/business/technology/stv-tech-rich-demuro-headline-jibjab,0,2406849.story

Two computer savvy fathers who care to improve the minds of children can accomplish much.  How do I know this?  The proof follows.

Evan and Greg Spiridellis, founders of JibJab (a company apparently known for its funny political videos), have launched Storybots, a website that adds a pinch of joy to the tiresome learning process.

“Storybots offers several videos to help your kids learn their ABC’s complete with dancing robots.  Their most popular site feature is Starring You Storybooks, a mobile app that inserts kids into the stories they're reading.

“All you have to do is snap a picture of your child’s face, upload it to the app, and their face and name is instantly inserted into the story.

“There are 19 different titles you can choose from and your first book is free.

“After that each digital storybook is about under $10 each.  “The Storybots are these infinitely curious brightly colored, little creatures who actually live in the world beneath our screen” said Greg.”

How fun!  I must admit that I have indulged in the Elf Yourself service that attaches a user’s face to the body of a holiday elf dancing to a Christmas carol.  That was a hoot; I watched the video at least two times, cackling in outrageous amusement.

As an adult of twenty two years, I somehow managed to enjoy that “juvenile” game.  My instincts assert that the Starring You Storybooks application will similarly delight young learners.  Our human curiosity naturally surges as we observe ourselves.  Why not capitalize on this behavior and transform those flashes of vain reflection into moments of valid edification?

The purpose of technology is not to amuse and distract, but to teach and guide.  Though few popular technologies achieve these aims, Storybots does.

When I have children, I will most certainly download such an application.  Though my kids will never star in Hollywood’s pictures, they will star in Storybots’ pictures.  Fun without fame does not a troubled teenage actor make.

Pope Benedict: A Modern Man?

http://www.courant.com/business/sns-rt-us-pope-twitterbre8a80xg-20121109,0,7417139.story

http://heresthethingblog.com/2011/06/29/popes-twitter-video/

One international body that universally embraces traditions and rejects the newfangled inventions of today is the Catholic Church.  However, the Vatican has recently yielded to the sleek grasp of change; eighty-five-year-old Pope Benedict, who “is known not to love computers and still writes most of his speeches by hand,” will soon board the back of the blue bird.  Yes, Pope Benedict intends to join Twitter.

“Primarily the tweets will come from the contents of his weekly general audience, Sunday blessings and homilies on major Church holidays.  They will also include reaction to major world events, such as natural disasters.

“The leader of the world's 1.2 billion or so Roman Catholics will not, of course, write the tweets himself, but he will sign off on them before they are sent in his name.

“But even divine intervention might not help squeeze the gist of a papal encyclical, which can run to more than 140 pages, into 140 characters.

“Those tweets will probably be limited to a link to a URL with the entire document.

“The papal handle has not yet been disclosed but it is widely expected to be @BenedictusPPXVI, his name and title in Latin.

“The pope has given a qualified blessing to social networking.”

While I hardly condone social networking, I propose that a papal Twitter presence will improve the world a smidge.  RELIGIOUS LEANINGS ASIDE, the concept is a good one, as mankind would benefit from the heightened accessibility of benevolent, righteous, and spiritual guides.

Imagine this.  A man suffers a horrid day of spousal drama, professional pains, and personal dissatisfaction.  As usual, he checks his phone before returning home for the evening.  Generally, he scans the tweets of his friends, all of which are either somber complaints or useless nonsense.  Today, however, he scans the uplifting and compassionate offering Pope Benedict posted to Twitter moments ago.

Such a scenario heightens that man’s likelihood of smiling, sympathizing, and succeeding.  That man will arrive home with corresponding kindheartedness and will straighten every gnarled branch of his own tree of life.

My recommendation:  Tweet on, Pope Benedict.  Tweet on.

Facebook Scrolls Down its Own Timeline

http://www.courant.com/business/technology/la-fi-tn-facebook-timeline-20121101,0,2811169.story

Another Facebook redesign.  Gee, that’s surprising!  Actually, the rationale for the redesign is rather unexpected.  Indeed, the social media network sees the folly of its recent ways!

“Facebook is testing a redesign of its Timeline feature that could make reading old posts slightly easier.

“The Menlo Park-based company confirmed that it is testing an experimental version of the redesign on a small number of users.

“The experimental design was discovered by Inside Facebook.

“It is similar to older designs Facebook used when its members had “Walls,” in which status updates showed up in a linear fashion rather than zigzaging from left to right as they do now with the Timeline.”

Though I dependably express my vociferous displeasure with each confounding Facebook adjustment, I would not lament this change.  Why?  The current timeline setup is silly, as users care little about the chronological placement of their postings.  Indeed, the purpose of Facebook is not to track one’s life in an ordered line, but is instead to share the events of one’s life via a comprehensible and maneuverable public page.

I first created a Facebook profile in 2008.  At that time, Facebook features and bonuses were limited and the layout of the website was brilliantly simple.  Statuses remained at the top of a user’s page, posts appeared in the middle of the screen, and everything was gratifyingly straightforward.  No Farmville, no princess quizzes, no memes, and less (unfortunately, I cannot truthfully say “no”) stupidity.

I applaud Facebook for reevaluating past practices.  Often, we label retroactive reanalysis as a disgraceful confirmation of innovational failures.  However, to identify the merits of the past and the shortcomings of the present is to demonstrate focused concern not for appearance, but for performance and utility.

This is wisdom.  Now, let's compel our peers to embrace further practices of the past…like reading, storytelling, and engaging in harmless tomfoolery!